We live in a world where our phones are rarely more than an arm’s length away. They help us work, communicate, organise our lives and stay connected. But while technology can bring us closer to people who are far away, it can sometimes create distance between us and the people who are right beside us.
Think about the last time you were having dinner with your partner, playing with your child, or meeting a friend for coffee. Was your phone on the table? Did you check a notification while they were talking? Perhaps you found yourself scrolling without really knowing why. These moments can seem insignificant, but repeated interruptions can gradually change the way we experience our relationships.
Being physically present is not necessarily the same as being emotionally present. When our attention is repeatedly pulled towards a screen, we can miss the small but meaningful moments that make up connection; a change in someone’s expression, a pause in their voice, a child trying to get our attention, or an opportunity to ask, “Are you okay?” Being present requires more than simply being in the same room. It involves giving someone our attention and allowing ourselves to be available to what is happening between us.
For children, this can be particularly important. Children often communicate indirectly. They may want to show us something, tell us a seemingly unimportant story, or simply seek our attention. When we are distracted by our phones, we may miss these opportunities for connection.
Another dimension to consider is the example we are setting. As parents, we may tell our children that they spend too much time on their phones or tablets. We might set limits around screen time, ask them to put their devices away at the dinner table, or tell them that they need to be more present with the family. Yet if they regularly see us checking our phones while we are talking to them, eating together or spending family time, the message can feel contradictory. From a child's perspective, this can feel unfair and confusing. Why am I not allowed to be on my screen when mum and dad are always on theirs? Children learn not only from the boundaries we set, but from what they observe us doing. We cannot expect them to develop a different relationship with technology from the one we model for them. This doesn't mean that parents need to be perfect or never use their screens around their children. We all have messages to answer, work to do and moments when we need a break. But perhaps there is value in acknowledging this openly and creating boundaries for ourselves too.
The same applies to adult relationships. A partner who regularly experiences us checking our phone while they are talking may begin to feel unheard or unimportant. It may not be what we intend to communicate, but our behaviour can still have an impact.
Another consideration is what are we using our screens to avoid? Sometimes reaching for our phone is simply a habit. But sometimes it offers an easy escape from boredom, discomfort, difficult emotions or even intimacy. Sitting quietly with another person can feel uncomfortable. Being alone with our thoughts can feel uncomfortable too. A phone or a laptop gives us somewhere else to go.
This doesn't mean that screens are inherently harmful or that we need to abandon them. Rather, it is about becoming more conscious of how we use them and what they may be taking us away from. Perhaps we can start with small moments. Putting the phone away during meals. Giving someone our full attention when they are speaking. Creating screen-free time with our children. Leaving the phone in another room in the evening. And noticing what happens when we allow ourselves to be bored, quiet or simply present. Our relationships are built in these ordinary moments. Sometimes, being truly present is one of the simplest and most meaningful things we can offer another person.